heroin comes to mind

This is what happens when you leave me alone with my thoughts.

I've decided that I'm not a fan of champagne. its too hard to drink. too much bubbles, not enough taste.

Edit 3:41 pm- The following is MetaBlogging...I've always wanted to use the "meta" prefix in something other than linguistic terms...and i just did...ok carry on

blogs are interesting things. they have way too many angles, too many ways to use them. which is good, but also confusing sometimes. because some people use blogs almost like letters to the family. updates on what's going on with the kids and so forth, so that the technologically savvy of the grandparents can read up on them. this is a very good way to avoid having to spend time on the phone with the 'rents every week when you would much rather be watching the ball game. Some people use blogs to be witty and entertaining. they say comedic bits and beg for comments. They don't necessarily talk about themselves, more of general observations that apply to their life in ironic, or interesting ways. other people use blogs to vent. they just yell and scream into the little window that didn't do anything to them at all. they take out all of their aggression on that poor little keyboard. and the people who read often leave thinking, Wow, they need counseling or something. there are people who only post when they are out of the country or on road trips. they post pictures and little blurbs about how much fun they are having and people hate them because they are so jealous that their blogging friend got to see the taj mahal while they are stuck at a desk typing nonsensical memos. Then there are the people who type the most random, disconnect train of thoughts in their blog. no one could possibly understand what they are talking about, and you have to wonder why on earth they would even post it. keep a journal for god's sake. so that one day you can look back and read all through it and realize that you yourself don't even know what you were talking about, and then you can be thankful that you didn't put anyone else through that misery. it's like a code. a secret code, that just leaves the reader frustrated. oh and the people who only write once a year because they completely forgot about their blog. and they begin with something along the lines of : sorry I haven't written in a while. life has been crazy. and then they're done. they don't tell you about their life or anything. and you have to wonder why they even wrote it. why would leave me hanging like that? I read blogs because I like hearing about what people think, about life, about anything. and you, you give me nothing. the only thing I learn is that you are a horrible storyteller, which then leads to me lowering my level of affection towards you. sorry but it's the truth. if you can't tell a good story, why are we talking?

Then there are people like me, who forgot that they aren't in middle school anymore, and this is probably not the cool thing to do. but we kinda go crazy unless we talk to someone, anyone, so we just write. without thinking. sit down with no idea what is going to come out next. and we change the subject as many times as our minds decide. I don't know why we have blog, honestly. because few people read up on blogs like ours, I think. It takes certain kinds of people to be entertained by comments on daily life. and I know that I don't really advertise mine. soemtimes I pray that no one reads it. hehe its true. because it makes me vulnerable. its a creative outlet...all creative outlets are weak spots. my photography...my dance...my art...the ones that I really love and really show who am I as a person...those are the ones I don't want too many people to see. they are personal. private displays of my soul. they are not there for your criticism, or your comments. they are there because if I don't let them out I'll burst.

I just got back a bunch of Pictures from Snapfish (I heart Snapfish) from my years at WM. I did this because I have this horrible fear that one day Facebook will die and all my wonderful memories that are captured in the pictures on there will die with it. So one night, one of those nights before I before had a job here and I just sat around the house for hours at a time doing nothing, I went through all of the facebook pictures of my friends and I saved/stole the ones that I want to keep for the rest of my life and show my grandchildren. and they will not give a damn about any of them but I'll make them look anyway. ANd I sent them to Snapfish to print and send to me. and I went through them today, smiling at them, even the ones with Will. Because those days really were my favoritest days. Those people have made my life sweet and full. I can't help but smile as I'm writing about it. Really, I have the greatest friends in the world!

I was talking to Sam via Skype the other day. we were talking about how dynamic our group of friends are. we were talking about how few girl friends we have. (side note: I realized that that is not as true as it used to be, because Julianne and Brandy and Jess are girls that I've come to like a lot. unexpectedly). but her comment was something along the lines of:

.I'm a normal person. but all of my closest girl friends are crazy. not like normal people crazy..like on medication crazy! You (me), Lindsay, and Julia, all crazy

HAHA it's true. Sam is the one who keeps us all sane. poor Sam. She's gone now, stupid india. and I'm gone too. I wonder how Julia and Lindsay are surviving. :)

My daddy is coming to have dinner with me today. He's teaching at some retreat in the mountains and coming to visit and see my house and such. I love my double d.

I'm thinking about starting a book. the problem is that I'm too ADD to actually stick to the concept and way of portraying that concept to actually even get to a point where I can write it. My 14-year-old brother is writing a book. he's like 200 pages into it. My 17-year-old sister is his editor. apparently, it's good. I haven't read it...because well, let's be honest...I'm definitely the odd sibling out. I haven't lived in the same house as them in like 6 years. I don't think most of their friends even realize that have an older sister. I'm jealous of their relationship. I always wanted a close sibling friend. an older brother figure. oh well. I have lots of brother-like friends now. can't complain.

speaking of brother-like friends, where's Nathan? oh wait, he's in DC with his girl. I miss him. he's getting married soon probably. very weird. but good. there's a story.

my house is clean...makes me feel good. I love clean houses. I need to do laundry.

i had a dance party in my living room last night. I was the only attendee...it was so fun. Dancing is like breathing...I can't help it. it just happens. and it feels good. so maybe it's a drug..not breath. I can think of worse things to be addicted to. heroin comes to mind.