25 reasons why roommates are a bad idea

Let's talk about what a bad idea having roommates is! I have had 14 real roommates in my lifetime. This number does not include the 7 frat brothers that I lived with when I was homeless. It is important to note that the number of roommates I have had is no fault of theirs or mine. I guess. The funny thing is that I started with 11 roommates and then went remembered Amanda and had to go to 12. then remembered Megan and had to make it 13. ANd THEN remembered Amy (who ruined my semester of WM) and had to make it 14. Dear Lord save us all!

Almost all of my roommates I moved in with without knowing them beforehand. I did/do this because a) I usually move to places where I don't know anyone, b) I have very few girl friends that I could live with, c) most of my friends lived on campus while I was at school. I have experienced roommates that I instantly click with, roommates that I warm up to, and roommates I could wish many many bad things upon.

I want to take a minute and make a list, a really long list of things that equal bad roomies.

1) If you leave town, forget to take out the trash, and maggots start growing in there, you might be a bad roomie.
2) If you set off the fire alarm at 3:30AM because you are cooking drunk (again), if you might be a bad roomie.
3) If you party with your underage friends on a sunday night until 8AM, you might be a bad roomie.
4) If you leave the burner and the oven on ALL NIGHT LONG, you might be a bad roomie.
5) If you take my things and then yell at me for taking them back, you might be a bad roomie.
6) If you have never lived on your own and don't understand why you have to take the recyclables and trash to the road, you might be a bad roomie.
7) If you used my nice knives and then leave them to rust in the sink, you might be a bad roomie.
8) If you smoke pot in my room, you might be a bad roomie. (though there are those that disagree)
9) If you can't talk to me face-to-face and leave little messages of annoyance and hate on the dry erase board, you might be a bad roomie.
10) If you break more than half of glasses in a week, you might be a bad roomie.
11) If you use so much toilet paper that you go through a roll every two days by yourself, you might be a bad roomie.
12) If you make out with the guy I like who I had over for dinner, you might be a bad roomie.
13) If you think it's a good idea to melt jolly ranchers into big candy slabs and the drip it all over the carpet in the living room which is a ways away from the kitchen, you might be a bad roomie.
14) If you do #13 AGAIN after I spend an hour scrubbing the candy out of the carpet, you might be a bad roomie.
15) IF YOU THEN DUMP ONE OF THE CANDY SLABS ONTO THE DRIVEWAY RIGHT BY WHERE I PARK MY CAR SO THAT I STEP IN IT WHEN I DON'T SEE IT AND RUIN MY FAVORITE SHOES, you might be a bad roomie.
16) If you sleep with a guy IN MY BED, you might be a bad roomie.
17) If you don't know how to clean the dishes when there isn't a dish washer, you might be a bad roomie.
18) If you still don't know how to wash the dishes when there IS a dish washer, you might be a bad roomie.
19) If you put my tv on your side of the room, in a position so that I can't see it, you might be a bad roomie.
20) If you yell at your fiancee on the telephone in our room at 2AM while I'm sleeping, you might be a bad roomie.
21) If I have two guy friends stay in our dorm room over night while you're not there and you freak out because you think they might steal your things, you might be a bad roomie.
22) If you take 45 minute showers everyday when there is one bathroom, you might be a bad roomie.
23) If you and your friends use so much of our electricity that our bill is $400 for a 500sq ft apt, you might be a bad roomie.
24) If you have a party while I'm moving my stuff out, you might be a bad roomie.
25) And lastly, if you think that I'm over reacting when I flip out as I walk into my house after being gone for a week and it smells of vomit, rotting food, and cheap alcohol, and I can't see the counters or the sink, and realize that one of your friends puked all in one of my mixing bowls, you might be a bad roomie.

There! 25 things NOT to do as a roommate! EVER!

sadly, all of them are true stories.
I think this is the last time I live with roommates.